


Rainy Death

by wimblydonner



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-08
Updated: 2009-07-08
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:24:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wimblydonner/pseuds/wimblydonner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The weather forecast for Inaba is: Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rainy Death

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Persona 4 Kink Meme. Prompt: _The weather forecast for Inaba is: Cloudy with a chance of meatballs._

No one was sure what first opened the portal to the Meat Dimension.  
  
Some said it all started one rainy day at Chinese Diner Aiya, when the mere mortals in the kitchen foolishly trifled with things no human could hope to understand.  
  
At any rate, the first Souji Seta heard of it was when he was on the way up to the Yasogami High rooftop to meet Chie. As he brushed past the would-be meteorologist who seemed to practically live up there, Souji asked in passing, as he often did, "What's the forecast?"  
  
"Cloudy with a chance of meatballs."  
  
"Thank... wait, _what_?"  
  
"Tomorrow's going to be cloudy with a chance of meatballs. Trust me. I'm never wrong."  
  
She _wasn't_ ever wrong, of course -- she was the most precise weather forecaster on Earth. And, so, just as she had predicted, the next morning brought a most unusual form of precipitation: The storm clouds over Inaba unleashed a deluge of hot, freshly-cooked, hail-like _meatballs_. Beef meatballs, pork meatballs, meatballs from every cuisine, all pounding down on the pavement and rolling down the banks of the Samegawa. Yosuke was knocked off his bike twice that morning when he was beaned by falling meat.  
  
Suddenly Chie and Yukiko's cooking was no longer the most dangerous food item they'd encountered. This was most unexpected.  
  
What did you do on a day of meatballs? Soccer practice was canceled; even the most skilled goalkeeper on the team couldn't stop thirty meatballs a minute. Souji thought about fishing, but all the Huge Fish had taken cover from the deluge, and the only thing he hooked was a tofurkey. A futile bus trip out to the day care center revealed that **you can only work at the day care center on Mon, Fri, and Sat when it is not raining meatballs**. Finally, he decided just to hold a sandwich bun out in the rain and fix himself a Meatball Marinara sub. Maybe he could invite Ai to lunch the next day.  
  
The next morning, the meatballs didn't seem to be letting up. At least Nanako had been savvy enough to take the laundry indoors before all of Souji's high-collared shirts were covered in food stains.  
  
On the way to school that morning, Souji heard the students ahead of him gossiping. Apparently, there was a flood warning out on the Samegawa; it was filling up with split pea soup.  
  
"A pancake will come after several days of meatballs," Igor intoned when Souji tried to take cover in the Velvet Room. "You must prepare to take action."  
  
"You didn't tell me about this! You didn't tell me there would be meatballs!"  
  
The Investigation Team was stumped. "But Teddie!" Chie protested. "There _has_ to be something your bear nose can pick up, right? What are you smelling in TV World?"  
  
"Tomato sauce!"  
  
To make matters worse, even an exhaustive search through the Compendium revealed not a single Persona that had learned Null Pasta.  
  
"Bring me a Tam Lin that has mastered Meatballdolaon," Margaret said.  
  
"No! Screw you!"  
  
Baffled, Souji returned home. The ice-cold pot of coffee indicated that Dojima had not been home in some time and was probably still down at the station, interrogating the Hamburglar. Nanako, as usual, was camped out in front of the television. "Big bro," she said, her voice trembling, "the man on TV said there's a mashed potato front coming in from the west. What does that mean?"  
  
Souji recalled that one of the men he frequently talked to down at the river was always puzzling over where Inaba's trademark grilled steak came from. There were, after all, only dairy farms in the vicinity. Now Souji realized he had discovered the terrifying truth: _it fell out of the sky_. And they were powerless to stop it. Even the Midnight Channel had been replaced by the Food Network. Would Hanako have to eat the town out of danger?  
  
Feeling there was nothing more that he could do, that Inaba was left up to face its doom at the hands of non-vegetarian precipitation, Souji settled down on his reading couch to pick up where he'd left off in _Timid Teacher and the Half-Blood Prince_. But he'd scarcely made more than a few pages' progress when the sound of sirens overtook everything in the room.  
  
Kanji was the first to call him. "Senpai ... a pancake just fell on the school," he reported solemnly. "And ... they found a body. It was ... it was Rise-chan's."  
  
 _TIME PARADOX_


End file.
